Deep Thoughts: Care to Understand

I came across a wonderful read on Our Daily Bread that got me reflecting so here I am sharing it along with my corresponding thought on it.

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In desperation, a woman called the housing assistance center where I worked. A heating problem had turned her rental home into a freezer with furniture. Panicked, she asked me how she would care for her children. I hurriedly replied with the scripted official response: “Just move into a hotel and send the landlord the bill.” She angrily hung up on me.

I knew the textbook answer to her question, but I had completely missed her heart. She wanted someone to understand her fear and desperation. She needed to know she wasn’t alone. In essence, I had left her out in the cold.

After Job had lost everything, he had friends with answers but little understanding. Zophar told him all he needed to do was live wholeheartedly for God. Then “life will be brighter than noonday,” he said (11:17). That counsel wasn’t well received, and Job responded with scathing sarcasm: “Wisdom will die with you!” (12:2). He knew the dissatisfying taste of textbook answers to real-world problems.

It’s easy to be critical of Job’s friends for their failure to see the big picture. But how often are we too quick with answers to questions we don’t truly understand? People do want answers. But more than that, they want to know we hear and understand. They want to know we care.

“But how often are we too quick with answers to questions we don’t truly understand?”

This was the phrase that got me thinking back to past actions and the scenarios that popped into my head didn’t alleviate the guilt trying to rear its ugly head. One time or the other I have been just like Job’s friends, maybe many times too often to count. I remember a conversation I had with a friend recently and when I was done, I felt like I was preaching to him instead of connecting and speaking from the depth of understanding.

I think the fundamental reason why we are too quick to answer questions we don’t truly understand is that we tend to hear but not listen. It is only when we truly listen that we can put ourselves in the person’s shoes questions before we react – understanding in its true form. When we allow our minds to receive surface information while distracted by a myriad of other activities, we do not get the whole picture needed for proper comprehension and as such our replies become superficial, careless and nonchalant. While ruminating further on this thought, I looked back on situations where I had shown understanding. The common factor among them is that, in those conversations, I am usually clueless of what to say at first and as a result I pause before I finally answer, whispering a prayer for guidance, not to say something stupid. Thus, I believe it is that momentary stillness that gives room for digesting and understanding the information received and therefore results in giving a prudent answer.

Going forward, we should always pause before replying/reacting to any situation or information so as to give ourselves a moment to digest and understand what we have heard. You don’t want to be that person that never seems to understand, do you?

Hope we have learned something this week just as I have? Do have a great time pausing to understand more. See you next time

Jaa Mata!