AGE vs LOVE: Does age really matter when choosing a life partner?

There are some perceived limitations as regards relationships — age is one of them. In major countries in Africa, it is frowned upon when a man chooses to get married to a woman who is older than him or a woman (woman not child bride as encouraged in certain tribes/religion) marrying someone old enough to be her father.  Well, civilization/literacy is slowly removing this so-called age taboo as matchmaking is also slowly on the decrease. Parents try to stay out of the choosing process as much as possible or even if they are actively involved they don’t place as many limitations anymore.

However, in Western culture, it is quite usual to see the younger men marry older women as opposed to the African culture. Albeit, we have moved from it being a thing of culture to it being a thing of individuality. The question now for each individual is: Can you marry someone older/younger than you? If yes, how far apart should the difference be? These are often the limitations as regards age in a relationship:

A man choosing to marry a lady older than him

Men in this category are usually not easy to find and they face a lot of criticism especially as their choice is believed to spun from an ulterior motive. Men who fall under this category do it either for Love or money. Those who do it for money have no restriction as to how what the age difference should be between themselves and the woman. While the second category of people who do it for love prefer a reasonable age difference mostly between months to a five-year difference. One of the major concern as to why fewer men choose this category is the respect. It is always feared that if the lady is older than you then she wouldn’t hold you in high regards especially if she is financially buoyant. Stumbled on this hilarious video – CAN A NIGERIAN MAN MARRY an OLDER WOMAN?

A woman choosing a much older spouse

It is an easier choice for a woman when the man she chooses to marry is much older than her. In fact, most women prefer their significant other to be older than them. Women want men who can lead and tolerate them and to them, age is a great determinant of this. It is believed by those in this category that there is a level of maturity that comes with being much older than them. Not to mention the ‘perceived’ financial security that women believe accompanies marrying a much older man. In some cases, the women in this category often end up marrying a much older spouse due to family influence. This video below says a lot about what women think as regards marrying a younger man:

A man/woman choosing to marry their age mate 

Most men/women won’t opt to marry their age mate. Men believe that the woman should be younger as this gives them time to financially prepare to settle down. Women also believe that the older the man the more ready he is for marriage. Women are relatively more comfortable with marrying their age mate although they may opt for a more matured man in most cases.

Which age difference is permissible? 

I believe men are more comfortable with a few months to ten years either way. For women, they would usually prefer some older from a year upwards and may go beyond ten years. However, older men are prone to choosing women that are much younger than them in age. Another funny video to check out: Would You Marry Somebody Ten Years Older Than You?

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In the end, Love should win, right? Well, it doesn’t work that way for certain individuals. Irrespective of the love, age is a huge determinant of who they choose to love. Especially for people who believe that love is a choice, for those who believe that age is a number then they choose to love without restrictions.

What do I think? I think it depends on each individual and if you are led you are concerning the person because age can be a major challenge if both parties are not ready for what comes along with it. There are major differences you may have to deal with if the age difference is wide. I’ll mention a few:

• Respect: There is always the fear of no respect when a woman is older. Also when the man is much older or same age with your father out of respect you may not be close as you should be as couples. There maybe be someone always saying but I am older which means I am always right. Bear in mind that I am not addressing submission here but you can’t submit to someone you don’t respect. The woman should respect the man and the man should respect the woman.
• The difference in opinion: Imagine being born in two different generation. He/she may find some of your behavior confusing or unnecessary…Why do you even have a Facebook account? Maybe a major argument. Okay! Maybe not Facebook. But you get what I mean.
• Intimacy: It takes a conscious effort to build intimacy level when the age difference is huge. There may be reservations knowing this person maybe old enough to be your father or mother. Okay! Just kidding. I have an issue relating to much older folks so being is this kind of possible may scare me…

Love and respect matters in setting aside the age limitation. I am usually amazed by friends who decide to share that their mom is much more senior to their dad (usually with three or five years) or their dad is much more senior to their mom (ranges from seven to twenty years). With or without age differences if a relationship is founded on love as we defined here. Then I believe it can work irrespective of the status quo. I would prefer that he is older than me, within a reasonable age range of three to four years.

WHAT DO YOU THINK? CAN YOU MARRY SOMEONE OLDER/YOUNGER THAN YOU? IF YES, WHAT AGE DIFFERENCE WOULD YOU BE OKAY WITH?