Cheating Partner: To tell or not to Tell?

To tell or not to tell? I had this question thrown at me last week and I thought to share what I think about this topic and hopefully get your feedback about what you think is the best possible thing to do – If you discover that your friend’s partner or your friend is cheating on his/her partner, are you to tell or not? 

I stumbled on Mary Mary’s Tina Campbell’s response after a friend informed her that her husband was cheating:

Telling sometimes doesn’t always lead to a divorce as can be seen in that video. I believe there are two vital things you have to deal with before telling anyone about their cheating partner – first you have to think of your motive and secondly the best possible way to tell. You have to decide if you are telling to build or destroy or just for gossip sake.

I believe you must tell in the best possible way to save the marriage if possible especially if there are children involved and also to save the life of a friend. For relationships, I don’t know if there should be much of a restraint in telling.

In marriage, telling is rather a matter of urgency because of sexually transmitted diseases and the individual’s emotional health. While in relationships, I presume that both individuals have decided to abstain and as such the consequences may not include sexually transmitted diseases but you may want to save them from the strain of entering a marriage with a potential cheat and having to deal with cheating/adultery in the long run.

Yes, I support telling but with wisdom and with the right motive. Here are some of the ways I believe that you can tell a friend of a cheating spouse/partner:

Confront The Cheater

Talk to the cheating partner and ask that they be upfront with their spouse and that if they wouldn’t you would have to tell them yourself. However, the woman/man in question could undermine you in front of their spouse/partner so you won’t be taken seriously. If that be the case and you finally get to talk to the partner don’t be angry when they believe their spouse over you, in the end, you did what you were supposed to do and signs would give up the cheating partner later.

Tell Someone Who Can Address The Issue

You could tell your friend that you have something very important to tell him/her but you are not sure if you are in the best position to tell him/her, so could he/she let you know who he/she would be most comfortable with knowing his/her private business. That way he/she ends up directing you to someone he/she would be comfortable with or someone he/she respects. Make sure you tell them anybody other than their spouse.

Try to be Neutral

If you are informing a friend of their cheating spouse try not to make statements such like – “If it were me, I would do this and that…”. If your counsel is required then maybe you can give the best possible advice. I for one would obviously advise a medical check up of the cheating partner. Okay, be led in giving relevant advice.

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I watched the movie fifty and I must say I am a bit impressed by the movie except for the obscene scenes – in the movie a particular lady had to tell a friend that her husband was cheating the first thing she said was – I know who your husband is cheating on you with.

Okay, wait a minute! I believe that was too abrupt. Please, do not go about dropping time bombs and do not go beating around the bush either saying things like – “So I saw the dress you wore to that hotel with your husband it was so niceeeee”. Ameebo.

Please be cautious when telling a friend about their cheating spouse/partner.

What do you think? Is it necessary to tell and if you were in such a position how would you tell a friend?