Deep Thoughts: Taming the beast

This week was meant to be the most exciting week. Yet It totally started on a solemn note. I mean, I missed the red moon, the awesome once in eighteen years super red moon. Thanks to the fact that I didn’t prepare for it even after sounding its arrival into everyone’s ear around me. What a poor John the Baptist I turned out to be.

But what made the week to be most solemn was that I discovered I had a beast living in me. I could murder the people closest to me. I can kill with my words.

Mind you, I try to always be conscious of what I say because thanks to the Holy Spirit, I have learned the importance and magnitude of words. Words are powerful, they either give life or take it. Since I work with young people with an aim to teach, inspire and nurture, I have to control what I say.

A child learns to condemn when criticized, fights when hostility is received, becomes shy when he/she is ridiculed. On the other hand, a child is confident when encouraged, appreciates when praised and learns to have faith when he/she feels secure.

Regardless of knowing this, I found myself lashing out at my brother just as the week started. Saying very hurtful things. I had to question my emotions because I felt guilty as my brother took in all my bullets without saying a word. I apologized and was shocked to hear that he was used to it. Apparently, I had been doing it all through last week.

This got me thinking, how horrible a person I am. I can’t seem to think of anybody I lashed out to except for my brother. Why do I do it?

I react that way when he does something that irritates me or hurts my feelings and I just want to hurt him so bad. Hurl fire and brimstone back at him by drawing upon his weaknesses and pounding down on his self-esteem.

Hold on! Hold on! I can see my future flash before my eyes, with my husband and kids. I am going to be a monster! But it gets worse, I am going to be a dictator, the very type of leadership I hate the most. My career path is looking bleak. I may become the woman who instead of teaching, dictates, instead of inspiring, suppresses and instead of nurturing, neglects.

I had to do something about it and fast. I rushed back to my brother and begged him to point out to me every time I lashed out so I could work on it. Also, I would punish myself for it.

This was going well all week until I had a funny conversation which made me truly realize why this beast came out. It was due to PMS.

PMS is Pre-Menstrual Syndrome. I get easily irritated and emotional. Ha! Watch out, people. Once a month, the beast will be released. But fear not. Now that I know about it, I am better positioned to control it. God help me.

That brings me to my lesson for this week. In the path to success that we have chosen, there would be obstacles around us. But the major obstacle is the beast within us. External obstacles can easily be seen hence we can fight them directly. But the beast within us can remain invisible to us unless we pay attention to our weaknesses. The funny thing about our weaknesses is that we hardly can see them unless we go out to search for them or ask those around us. To succeed though, we have to search them out and then tame the beast.

I know that there is more to learn about the beast within me and I do bet that as I learn, I shall also tame until I am in total control of it. Hope you would look out for the beasty in you too and tame it.

See you next week. Jaa mata!