Deep Thoughts: Who Really Is Your Friend?

Though I have been mulling over this topic since it clamped itself on my mind, my thoughts have been too scrambled to pen on paper. At a point, I tried to think of another thing to write about but nothing came up or one could say, this very topic held my thoughts in captive and gave no room for others. Thus I bent myself to its will and decided to let it all flow out regardless of how scrambled, incoherent, crude, nostalgic, childish or even involved my rambling thoughts may be.

As I pondered at the word friend, a couple of faces flashed through my mind and I found myself nodding at a few and shaking my head at others. I have come to an understanding that it’s not all who seem friendly that are my friends neither is it all who consider me as their friend that are mine. I have also found that the term friendship has been misconstrued with classmates, neighbours, colleagues, teammates and acquaintances and some of us do not know where to draw the line so we refer to every soul who smiles at us or shows a helping hand and vice versa as friends.

I bet most of us have heard this cliché, ‘show me your friend and I will tell you who you are, so choose your friends wisely’ but I only care about this statement because it always seems to undermine my view that we do not choose our friends but they choose us. I can choose to be your friend, but it is left for you to choose to be my friend, not the other way round. As such, I feel there is an imbalance most of the time wherein one might have chosen to be someone’s friend and the person didn’t do the same. That is why it always seems like friends come and friends go. But this is not true as there is a huge difference between being friendly and being friends. Being friendly is where the imbalance lies but the foundation of friendship lay in establishing this balance.

Friendships I have learned are vital to our growth in life, I believe they shape us to be better or worse. Therefore it is essential to really look critically at those around us who have chosen to be our friends or whom we have chosen to be theirs and find if there is a balance because it is only then that one can find true friendship. It is easy to be friendly to someone but were in the difficulty lie is getting the person to be our friends. I do believe that is where the shaping of our lives emerges from. Depending on whom we seek to befriend us, we would act in a way the person would appreciate us best. Hence if the person is a good, no-nonsense person, we tend to act that way to garner the person’s interest. Same goes for if the person is the worst of the bunch.

Understanding this, I have been able to look beyond the flimsy bonds that tie me together with a lot of people whom I carelessly call friends and have realised that my true friends are just a handful. These three phrases or for a lack of a better word; ingredients, helped me to ascertain who they really are.

1. A friend is never forgotten or left behind
2. A friend sticketh closer than a brother
3. A friend is my Nakama

The first shows that I have chosen, the second shows that I have been chosen and the third is what thickens the bonds of friendship and I will explain the third in a bit. I came across the word Nakama in One Piece Anime and it was endeared to my heart. In Japanese, there are a couple of words that means friend and the most popular are Tomodachi and Nakama. Tomodachi is used to refer to anyone that you generally hang out with and do activities together like buddies at school, coworkers, neighbours, etc. while the other, means to be part of a group that has a common goal.  The excerpt from animeyume.com below should explain it better than I can.

“Although “nakama” is also translated as “friend,” it holds quite a different meaning than “tomodachi.” It’s made up of the kanji for “relations” and “space,” which gives the impression of something more intense and complex than simply a group of buddies. Luffy and his Straw Hat pirates from One Piece can arguably be credited with chiselling this term into the fandom.

Unlike tomodachi, nakama don’t necessarily like each other or want to hang out with each other. For nakama, the friendship that binds them comes from having common goals and values rather than enjoying each other’s company. Zoro clearly dislikes Sanji’s personality, is distrustful of Robin, and often fed up with the silly antics of Luffy and Usopp. But if anyone threatens their wellbeing, you can bet he’ll be right there to defend them with his life. Similarly, if any of the Straw Hats find someone whose values they share and situation they sympathize with, especially Luffy, they’ll selfless defend that person without having to fully know them or like them. The Straw Hat crew is bound by the common goal of achieving their dreams and a mutual sense of duty to defend their ideals, in the true nakama spirit, which doesn’t require affection and friendly words.”

Thus I believe that for the bond of friendship to deepen, all of my true friends must be Nakama having the same sense of duty to ourselves and having the same belief bound by common values and goal of achieving our dreams. With the three ingredients enumerated above in place, one can always know who their friends really are.

Hope I was able to pass my thoughts across as clearly as possible. Let’s do this again next week.

Jaa Mata!