Finding Autonomy While in A Romantic Relationship
So, you met someone who is serious about you? What next? I am a firm believer in prioritizing individual autonomy in a romantic relationship. According to Stanford, individual autonomy is generally considered as the capacity to be one’s own person, to live one’s life according to reasons and motives that are taken as one’s own and not the product of manipulative or distorting external forces, to be in this way independent.
So we can conclude that individual autonomy means keeping your own individuality stable even when you are in a romantic relationship. It is so easy to lose yourself when you are in love. In a way, the other person becomes your whole life and there are parts of you that become fully intertwined with the existence of your partner.
However, I do not think it is healthy to make your partner your life. I say this because we are made to do life together in a healthy way without compromising our own authenticity. I believe that we are all created to be individuals first and as such, we have our own God given purpose in life.
Here are some ways I have been able to maintain autonomy in my life while in a romantic relationship:
- Spending personal time with God
While it is great for a couple to worship and study the bible together, it is also important to spend time alone with God. That way, you have your own personal time with him to cast your burdens or praise him in solitude.
- Going places that you really want to go by yourself
There are times that I would love to try a restaurant or an activity but I get discouraged when my boyfriend is not interested in the same activity. I have found that it is okay to go to that restaurant alone and try that food I have always wanted to try.
- Schedule time to hang out with your friends
Make sure you do not abandon your friends when your relationship is in a new phase. It is critical to maintain your relationships with your friends. Make it a priority to reach out to them and check on what is going on. Also, schedule time to go out for dinner with your friends or even schedule trips with them.
- Engage in Hobbies
Join a gym, cooking class or find a hobby that you love to do. This will give you something to keep your hands busy. There will be times where your partner might be busy and unable to hang out with you. In these times, this could bring about getting bored or feeling alone. This is where having hobbies will have a positive impact.
- Make advancements in your career
Do not lose sight of your career goals when you are in a relationship. Your educational and career goals are important, and they should not take the back burner when you are in a relationship. Make sure that you prioritize these goals and ensure you make out time to achieve them.
Overall, it is important to have your own life and plans as a priority even while you are in a relationship. Make sure that you do not lose your own values and happiness because those things are important in achieving all the things God destined you to achieve.
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