Money Matters: Should I marry a broke guy?

Grab a bag of popcorn take a seat – break the control P (the taking things personal) button, sit back relax and enjoy my “point of view” as regards marrying a broke man. You may have thought to yourself “Should I marry a broke guy?”. Then this article answers your question.

A friend asked me this question this morning on BBM – Can I date a broke guy? I think the answer a guy wants to hear is “No” and their response would be “See that’s why I need to get money before getting married.”  While ladies want to say “Yes” to that question sometimes for fear of being tagged a greedy girl if her answer is No – let’s get real. At least girls who care about things like that.

I have read a few write ups by a couple of ministers that I admire on how their wives chose them without having any money. But we need to find out in-depth what this implies – what is money in the first place? It’s a measure if value. Which means if you have something of value you have money sitting on your hands, right? So the question is – is there a valueless man? No! No one is “broke” but should all “broke” people marry? No. Some people are broke in ideas, values, and vision now that is brokenness.

This is not a “Yes” or “No” question in my opinion. It is a thing of what is my/your definition of being “broke”? My definition of a broke guy is someone doing something or pursuing his vision and may not have the evidence in cash at the moment if one of us can cater for our child and a few responsibilities that come with marriage – then yes why not.

There are different angles to this matter we are not talking about relationships here, these ministers I admire as regards this matter will like to give their daughters, not to a millionaire (*if he is a millionaire great) but someone who can at least feed their daughter and a baby. So the question is what does broke mean to you? Not having extras to spend on Channel bags? Gucci? Lamborghini? Or Bella Naija type of wedding?

Since we are talking about marriage? Why the rush? Let’s be broke while in the relationship (if this means no cash at all). But marriage is for adults and it comes with responsibilities like rent (shelter), food, *clothes – that is the basic need of life. At least someone (male or female) should be able to foot the bill for that.

Now the question is as a man – can you take that without your ego being bruised because hello there would be bills and someone needs to pay. In marriage not one person should be responsible for all the bills but a man naturally has the instinct to provide and a woman to support.

As a lady, can you pass off on some of the things you know/think you deserve, maybe a little ridicule here and there? Would you be able to live with the fact that he may have just been a lazy somebody from the onset and you may have to cater forever – or let me simply break this down what if things don’t change? Would you be comfortable being the financial backbone of the family?

These are questions you should ask when you are about to marry a “broke” man, remember no man is “broke” –

Is he doing something: Please all those brothers using the bible, stop it. Adam, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob – they all had something to do.  Add value somewhere, don’t be idle in the end it will pay off. Dream! Pursue your purpose. Here is a picture Heather Lindsey shared which I totally agree with –

Let him add value somewhere irrespective of his account details. Like I said being broke is being “valueless”. As long as you have value in you, you are not broke. It is only a matter of time.

Is he a giver: What is he giving ehn? Is it the only ten naira he has? A giver would always give irrespective of his/her state of wealth. He doesn’t have to give all he has but what is he doing with the little he has. I always say it’s not about the amount spent on a gift it’s the thought that comes with the gift.

Is he responsible: There are so many broke brothers I would gladly say “No” to and even if in future someone now tells me that the guy you weren’t interested in if you had known he would make so and so figure would you have left him?! YES and YES!!! So is it the money that I would have a conversation with? Or live with? You are “broke” when – you can’t have a proper conversation, you don’t know financial principles (*I am still learning oh), you don’t have a goal and to top it up you have no commitment. I should come and marry?! I will pass – such people may change or may not change and still have money in future so let’s understand what being broke really is. If you are “broke” financially at least don’t be in other areas – character etc. When you are successful it will help you in maintaining success. There are a few “broke” people with a broke mentality that I am happy I said no to. So don’t just preach about staying with a broke brother – is he caring?! You don’t need money to be caring. We would now hear excuses like “it is because he is broke that’s why he screams”. So if there is any issue with finances in marriage he would be screaming?

Ladies, every Billionaire was once a man with a prospect so do not chase away a man with prospects just because of his current bank situation. Like I said money can be equated with value. How valuable is he – spiritually, emotionally…and in every other area that is of importance to you?

This is not to say that money doesn’t matter in a relationship. Money has broken a lot of marriages so it should be considered. He is ready when or you are both ready when;

1. There is a steady source of income: let 100 (naira/USD) be entering at the end of the month. Okay, not that small but be sure money is entering no matter how little. If he quotes scriptures for you, please next time open 1 Timothy 5:8

But if any provide not for his own, and specifically for

those of his own house, he hath denied the faith,

and is worse than an infidel.

*Provision should be basic needs – food, clothing & shelter. The wife can also support.

2. Housing: Where would you both live? There should be a shelter for both of you.

3. Food: If there is a child how do you feed? Don’t suffer a poor child because of love. Are you ready for relatives to help? Can you afford three square meals for a child?

I don’t believe in this let me so boxed first a lot of people are saying these days. If you can take care of some of the things I mentioned plus a few responsibilities that come along with marriage then you are as good as ready – financially. If you are ready and the woman keeps waiting for a Bellanaija type of wedding and you don’t have the money – well…😂

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What are your thoughts concerning this? Kindly share with others, who knows a relationship may need this?