Q&A: Should a Christian Woman Shoot her Shot?
This Romantic Love Relationship between a Man and a Woman, how did it begin? Gen 2: 20-23 (NLT).
“He gave names to all the livestock, all the birds of the sky, and alk the wild animals. But still, there was no helper just right for him. So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the Man slept, the Lord God took out one of the man’s ribs and closed up the opening. Then the Lord made a woman from the rib and he brought her to the man. At last! The man exclaimed This one is the bone from my bone and flesh from my flesh, she will be called woman, because she was taken from man”
In recent times, to clarify a subject, it is quite important we start from the beginning and most importantly lookout for God’s original intent. This is important because through the Bible we see men and women who were used by God but didn’t exactly live the God-Kind of lifestyle in some areas of their life. These stories were documented so that we can learn what not to do in our journey with God and not use it to justify why we should do it even if it’s against principles.
Genesis 2:23 shows us that Adam exclaimed and this exclamation was accepting and choosing the woman “that had been brought to him” by God. Many living things were brought to Adam before Eve, but Adam recognized Eve was suitable for him and chose to marry Eve.
Although Eve was brought to Adam, it was Adam’s ultimate decision to ask her to marry him. It was his place to propose marriage because in the institution of marriage his position was the Head of the Home. Of course, as a woman, you are also actively involved in the decision of who you want to be your husband and the father of your children – you do not have to marry a man simply because he proposed.
“For the husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the Head of the Church. He is the Savior of his Body, the church” – Ephesians 5.23 (NLT)
The Man as the head of the Home is a principle that must not be diminished as a result of emotions or the rush and pressure for a woman to get married.
It is not just the office, but the responsibility of the man to pursue the woman and I will be explaining what I mean in more case studies below.
Let’s take this example of a Corporate Company or Organization.
A COO (Chief Operations Officer) can suggest to a CEO (Chief Executive Officer) and Founder what he can do to help that organization grow if he is employed. A COO cannot force himself to be employed or employ himself in that company.
It is the CEO and Founder that has to recognize and realize that indeed this COO will bring in Productivity and Profit to his company and hire that COO for a limited or a lifetime ride.
The CEO/Founder here signifies the man and the COO signifies the Woman.
When we are talking about relationships, we are talking about relationships with a destination for marriage and in this institution, there is an office occupation that cannot be swapped or twisted if not the organization will collapse. The COO can give presentations and discuss the potential value that he/she can bring the CEO, but it must be the CEO/Founder to Choose Ultimately.
When we are talking about Women “shooting their shot” there’s always an interesting Bible Example that pops up.
You already know, don’t you?
It’s the story of Ruth and Boaz!
Before I go into expounding at the very basics (If we choose to unveil all, this Blog Post would not be finished!)
It is important to state that when trying to understand Scriptures, You don’t carry your preferred interpretation and interest, rather you go into the word to understand what exactly happened back then. This context thing is very important so as not to misunderstand the Bible. For example, there are a lot of things that were used then and used to happen back then that don’t happen anymore at least as the usual norm.
For example, people riding horses, the type of clothing, the type of houses and even some cultural practices like women treated like Properties, to mention a few. Most of those things are not openly accepted in most parts of the world today and in fact, the Advocacy has been on for gender equality.
So, it is rather incomplete to just grab a portion of happenings from the Scriptures without trying to understand the context and most importantly the Principle.
So let’s look a little bit into the popular “Shoot your Shot” bible example, Ruth and Boaz.
Important Principles to Learn from the Book of Ruth.
1) Ruth didn’t wake up looking to shoot her shot. She wanted to work to Purposefully help her mum-in-law and then she landed on the field of Boaz.
If and I hope when you read the book of Ruth calmly, you will see that Naomi never asked Ruth to follow her and even when they arrived at their destination in Bethlehem, Naomi didn’t say, “Oh I have a Bachelor who is in my lineage and may be suitable for you, now go to that field that he owns and flaunt yourself for him” No! Ruth simply wanted to provide food for Naomi and herself to ensure that she continued her duty of taking care of her mother-in-law, as such; Ruth went out to look for a field to glean from (Ruth 2:2-3). Even though Ruth was widowed she wasn’t crooked or desperate. She was learning to trust God and live a life of Genuine Kindness and Loyalty.
2) Boaz already almost knew so much about Ruth than we often discuss (Ruth 2.11).
It wasn’t a matter of Ruth hiring a friend to put in a good word for her or trying to comment on all his Instagram posts. She was busy sacrificing and walking in God’s purpose for her life and it just so happened that she landed in the field of Boaz and that he also was favorable to her because of what he had heard about her. Because of Ruth’s genuineness, kindness, and loyalty, this man already heard about her and was ready to favor her even before she knew who he was as revealed to her by Naomi!
3) Boaz already was making Ruth so comfortable around him and giving her attention she didn’t even plan for (Ruth 2.14).
We can even deduce that he showed interest in her first before she showed interest in him. (Ruth 2:15-16). Boaz calling her aside and treating her with care already signifies that He ALREADY saw value in her that she wasn’t trying to sell her value!
4) Naomi did not even bring up a man redeeming her Lineage discussion until Ruth came to tell her that she was on his field and then Naomi probably remembered and made the sentence (Ruth 2.20).
From when Naomi made that sentence in Chapter 2 to when she encouraged Ruth to approach Boaz must have taken weeks. Even the Bible says “one day Naomi said to Ruth”. The Bible didn’t say the next day or next week. This signifies that Naomi wasn’t even necessarily trying to be a match-maker she was just trying to reward Ruth and help Ruth have a child while also carrying on the lineage of her husband because of the loyalty that Ruth had shown.
5) Women being single in those days was almost unaccepted, so when Naomi had heard of everything that Boaz had done for them and how Ruth has been favored by him, she wondered, how about we “remind” “make him aware” that you are a Widow and it is his responsibility to redeem you.
Please note that Ruth didn’t go there “begging like she was helpless and hopeless”. She went there with the understanding and confidence that her mother-in-law had given her that he was their redeemer (Ruth 3.9). She was there to remind him of his responsibility. It is safe to say that she went there legally right since he hadn’t stood up to redeeming her. It was more of the right thing to be done (now that she knew) than she feeling emotional for him.
Here was Boaz reply when Ruth approached him
The Lord bless you, my Daughter! You are showing even more family loyalty now than you did before, for you have not gone after a younger man whether rich or poor” Ruth 3:10
Therefore, even though we cannot confirm that emotions were present between this two, Ruth didn’t make this move because she was crushing on Boaz, from his comment, he probably wasn’t the age range of a man that Ruth would normally be looking out for as a young widow, but she made that move, out of loyalty to her mother-in-law and husband’s family in general. If she liked him, that was a plus for her not the basics and you will see why in point number 8 (So keep reading!).
6) Boaz’s response shows that he desired her as well (if not more!) and has almost even stayed away because of the closer redeemer that they had (Ruth 3.10-13).
Since we are introduced to Boaz knowing so much about Ruth it is possible he knew about this all the while and even wanted it, but did not pursue it because he was not the immediate next in line to redeem Ruth.
7) The Choice of starting the relationship and getting married did not ultimately lie with Ruth, it was still Boaz’s responsibility and it was not out of desperation. “Be Patient my Daughter until we hear what happens” (Ruth 3.18).
This was Naomi who encouraged Ruth to go to Boaz in the field also encouraging her to be patient.
8) If the Immediate Redeemer said yes, Ruth actually would not have had a choice, because the matter of a second marriage to her was really out of responsibility than choice (Ruth 4:1-6).
Ruth did not go shooting the shot with private intentions, she had a higher motive of redeeming the family line. And this is what I was trying to establish in point 5. This was more of a legal responsibility than emotions running deep kind of stuff.
9) He chose to take responsibility for what Ruth had asked him for because he was pleased with all her conduct and sacrifices (Ruth 4:9).
Has it ever occurred to you that just the way the immediate family redeemer rejected redeeming Ruth, Boaz could have also rejected redeeming Ruth and she could have been passed on to someone else, because if there was a Redeemer before Boaz then there was most likely a Redeemer after Boaz, right?
But he said yes why?
BECAUSE he chose to! The first man in line “chose not to” but Boaz “chose to” not just for responsibility sake, but because he had seen VALUE!
Another example of a Woman liking a Man in the Bible is Michal and David, 1 Samuel 18.
Even though Michal liked David and her father Saul knew, she didn’t go to approach David. Instead, her father tried to use that opportunity for his selfish gain which did not work out for him.
In the end, we saw that David worked to get Michal by paying a price of 200 Foreskin of the Philistines which to put it in layman terms, he and his men killed 200 men termed as their enemies because of a girl.
So, no matter how the passionate Michal was about David, it was still David’s choice to say “Yes I want you” or “I want you too” by putting in the kind of work required at that time to prove that he was serious about marrying her, that same principle still applies today.
If shooting your shot means asking a guy to be your Boyfriend or Marry you, it may not be ideal except you have received a leading from God.
But if shooting your shot means learning to understand a guy, discerning that the both of you can fulfill destiny and have unaggressive and unforceful discussions about how you believe you can help him thrive on his journey to fulfilling purpose without expecting him to forcefully ask you out or marry you, then that is not new and that is the “principle” in what Ruth did, presenting herself to Boaz as God presented Eve to Adam.
(But that is not what shooting your shot means right? We should coin another name for that so that it does not confuse more people).
As someone said on a post I saw about Ruth,
“Boaz first discovered Ruth working (Value) not twerking” and it was because of the heart she already that made him consider her as we have expounded in previous points.
The Value she had was relevant to his life purpose and he was here for it.
Another reason why women should not have to shoot their shot (ask a guy out or ask a guy to marry them) is that the guy knows his destination or is supposed to and he knows the kind of woman that will fit his purpose.
A lot of celebrity marriages crash because they think they are both in the same “industry” and therefore are on the same path. However, the same industry isn’t equal in the same direction.
So, instead of getting busy and invested asking a guy out or proposing to him, be busy understanding God, understanding yourself and understanding more about him and how you can SELFLESSLY help him. And if you discern he is for you, get more interested in knowing if both your destinations align and let him do the picking and choosing!
In conclusion;
No matter how much a woman likes a man, there has to be that part of him seeing VALUE in her and choosing to court her and marry her and that cannot be achieved with a woman shooting her shot. It happens with a woman being actively and genuinely busy purposefully from day to day with a genuine and selfless intention at heart.
When that happens, the conversation about a woman understanding the man and how she fits into his life will come in almost smoothly.
It is important that we also learn the principle of “Patience” from Ruth.
When you like a guy and you are somehow convinced that he is your man, you have the necessary conversations you are supposed to have with him and you continue living your life, believing God and trusting that God who that put that impression in your heart will make it clear to the guy through your “unforceful” interactions and by God’s revelation to him to really “see you”. If it is God’s will there is no need for aggression and desperation. Only wisdom, understanding and patience in bringing the matter to completion.
In the end, it is appropriate for the man to do the choosing (no matter how slow he gets) because for a relationship/marriage to occur, the man must want I mean, NEED the woman and see VALUE in the woman as much as the woman does. This is the Order and Principle for making marriage not just work but last.
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